Control and Responsibility
Dear Daughter,
In an earlier letter we touched on the ideas of control and responsibility. Releases a little deeper with these crucial ideas.
If you ever discover that somebodies behavior is driving you nuts, please slow down and think about the possibility of control concerns on your part. Did you know that it is possible for you to attempt to control another person and not even be conscious of what you are doing? It is something you require to understand and comprehend in order to x diamond ranch weddings avoid bad relationships and increase your capability to develop great relationships.
Does it upset you when you hear somebody gossip. Does it upset you when someone acts as if they are much better than everyone else, or if somebody is rude? These things can be irritating, however if you remain irritated longer than the majority of other people, stop and think about the possibility of control concerns.
When you are distressed by another individuals habits, its typically because they are not acting the method you believe they should act. You may know what the person is doing incorrect and what they should or ought to not do. It might be clear to you that the individuals behavior is damaging. If they would just do as you state they would be much better off. You wish to help this person and it drives you nuts that they will not listen.
Bear in mind that you can not control another individual. You can make recommendations, however you cant manage the individual and make them act as you believe they should. The only thing you can manage is your own habits.
Some of your pain may be due to the fact that you feel responsible for the other persons habits. Believe about this: If you cant control another persons habits, how can you be accountable for that behavior? If another person selects to gossip, be rude, or abuse drugs/ alcohol, remember that they are responsible for that behavior, not you.
What can you manage and what are you responsible for? You can only manage one thing and you are just responsible for one thing, which is your own behavior. So, what can you perform in these circumstances?
It is practical to stop and believe through the circumstance as it relates to manage and obligation. If you are upset, is it related to another persons behavior? Were you in control of that habits?
Now that the mind is clear, think about what you can control and what you are accountable for. Now you can stop filling your mind with what the other person is doing and focus on what you can do. You might select to have a conversation with the person and let them understand that what you heard sounded rude or conceited.
What about the person who feels guilty since they made someone angry? Does it upset you if someone blows up? I suppose that many individuals would feel some emotion. Each individual decides how he or she will react to a scenario. In some cases they offer it some idea and act, and often they respond with little idea.
Did you know that you cant make me mad? Do not get me incorrect, I may blow up, however it will be my choice. I am responsible for my own anger. Before you smile too big, know that you are not off the hook. You are not responsible for my anger, however you are responsible for your behavior that I am reacting to. You see, I have an option. I can blow up and ground you, or I can stay calm and ground you. Thats not a very good example, is it?
The point is that not only are we responsible for our own actions, but we are also responsible for our own reactions and emotions [an exception would be the individual who struggles with a mental disorder and a chemical imbalance that impacts the emotions]
Often, the people around this individual bend over in reverse and stroll on eggshells to keep this individual from ending up being upset. Of all, the individuals around this person are trying to control another individual. They are attempting to manage this individuals feelings by doing whatever it takes to keep the person from ending up being upset.
Secondly, these people are feeling accountable for another individuals sensations. The more the person misbehaves with his/her anger, the more embarrassed the other individuals become.
Lastly, these individuals are strengthening this persons inappropriate anger. All the individual has to do is blow up and everyone scrambles to please him or her.
I am not suggesting that you should intervene in these scenarios and deliberately make the individual angry, although that may be enjoyable. I simply want you to be familiar with the vibrant and not get captured up in the role of trying to manage another individual.
I also desire you to be conscious of this vibrant and prevent trying to control another individual or feel responsible for another individuals behavior. Comprehending the principles of duty and control will be valuable throughout your life time.